So I go into my email and see I have Feedspot promoting my blog! Interesting because of my current journey. I am in some sort of spiritual 'crisis' I suppose I could call it or as I wrote on Dear Sharne Blog, I am breaking up into millions of pieces that I don't have any energy to put myself together or even recognize the pieces any more to put together.
I have taken myself on a journey at present. I have left my job, or it left me, not sure which, I have moved from a small town of about 4,000 people to a city of about 4,000,000. I have a few thousand dollars to keep me going until what I don't know.
For at least 2 months I have just been traveling from friend to friend, sort of visiting until I moved here to Sydney and I'm doing a sublet for a couple of weeks and then........ I don't really know. I don't seem to be able to function in a functional way, I can't motivate myself to take action much at all. Yesterday I applied for some work delivering advertising material for a Trade Fair kind of thing and that's only for a couple of days. I haven't organized a place to stay in a week and a half but it feels really ok. Even though a situation took me into a painful reaction last night and this morning, which has shifted somewhat into a passive kind of peaceful feeling, almost a resignation of some sort to what I'm experiencing.
I seem to fall into an unconscious abyss only to watch myself slowly come out to a joyous heart expansion. This has been happening over and over for the past few weeks, since I embarked on this moment by moment existence. I seem to want to challenge the depths of my fear and pain body as Eckart Tolle would call it. To drain the depths to my unconscious, I'm not sure how much is left and it doesn't seem to matter, it is what it is. Of course I want to come out to a totally awakened state but I suppose that is something that is out of my control, as much as anything seems to be out of my control at present.
Now you may ask what this has to do with 3,000,000 give a $1, well it has everything to do with it. As most of us on this journey at present know, its all about our vibration. I can't receive anything I'm not vibrating at, and yes because I'm still in this physical form I have a dream as to how I want that form to be. I do want a beautiful comfortable home overlooking an ocean view, very similar to the one I am experiencing in this sublet. I do want a nice car that gets me around. You get the idea.
Perhaps the process I'm going through is part of me clearing my vibration to match my dream life, I don't really know, I just seem compelled to do what I do, without any real direction or even a semblance to a life moving forward. All I know is I'm alive, I have food, a comfortable space to sleep. A heart that is so full, at times, I could burst and a pain that is so overwhelming, at times, that I truly don't want to be part of this world but I am and I'm ok. I have also wondered if this a death to my ego, it feels like something is dying inside of me and it stinks to high heaven and I am ready to chuck it on the trash heap.
If anyone is ahead of my game, you know 'been there done that' I would love to hear from you,,words of encouragement. I am also happy to just keep journaling and see where this takes me! Much abundance to us all in a million different ways.